Several years ago, I had a job interview where the person asked me about my biggest pet peeve. Honestly, up to that point, I don’t think I’d put a lot of thought into my pet peeves. I don’t even fully remember my response. I think I said something about people who stand around, waiting for other people to do the work. Of course, as I was leaving the interview, I thought of all the things I should have said. I didn’t get the job. While I’m sure my response to that question wasn’t the reason behind my job rejection, since then, I have found myself reflecting on some of my pet peeves and considering how I could have answered that question differently.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a pet peeve is “a frequent subject of complaint.” Synonyms include “annoyance,” “inconvenience,” “headache,” and “frustration.” Based on that, here are four things that annoy me, inconvenience me, give me a bit of a headache, and frustrate me.
Not Being On Time
My mom is one of those people who feels like if you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late. While I don’t have to be that early, I also hate to be late. Unfortunately, I have some relatives who are chronically late. If you make plans with them, just assume that they are going to be at least 15 minutes late, generally more like half an hour to an hour or more late. This makes it very frustrating to make plans with them.
I understand being occasionally late. Things come up. Traffic might be bad. You may have taken longer to get ready than you anticipated. Something else unanticipated may have caused you to be late. I get that. Yet, being chronically late is annoying for those waiting for you.
To me, being late represents a lack of respect for someone else’s time. If I am planning something for a specific time, that time is set aside for that activity. I don’t plan something else for that time. I just have to wait for the other person if that person is late. Sure, I can read a book or do something else while I wait for the person to arrive, but not knowing when the late person will arrive is frustrating.
Along with that, when someone is late for something that starts at a specific time, I have to decide if I will attend the activity without that person. Either way, it’s a hard decision. Wait, and risk missing the event, or go, and have the person get mad because I attended without them. It’s a no-win situation.
Take, Take, Take Without Giving
I think we all know people who seem to think that other people should help them no matter what. Yet, these same people are often unwilling to help someone else when that person needs help. This is definitely a pet peeve of mine. I’m not saying that we need to keep a tally of how often we help someone else versus how often they help us. Yet, I do feel that if you want help from others, you need to be willing to help them out when they need your assistance.
I have known some people who seem to have this attitude that when they need help, everyone should drop everything and help them. This includes if the person they are seeking help from is busy or otherwise not able to help at that time. Sadly, these same people are often unwilling to help others when other people need help. To me, this is a very selfish attitude.
Apostrophe + “S” Pet Peeve
Now, some people may consider this pet peeve a bit funny. Honestly, though, while I have a few grammar pet peeves, this one is the most annoying. Just because you pluralize a word does not mean you put an apostrophe and then an “s” at the end. Two people with the last name Smith are not “Smith’s.”
On a related note, when it is a plural possessive noun, the apostrophe goes after the “s.” This brings to mind a sign I saw on a business a while back. It said, “We’ll beat all our competitor’s prices.” I’m pretty sure they have more than one competitor. I guess this saves them a lot of trouble, though. If someone claims that they didn’t beat another company’s prices, they can claim that this wasn’t the competitor they were referring to in their advertisement. Somehow, though, I doubt that this was the route they were trying to take with their sign.
My Spiritual Pet Peeve
This pet peeve really goes back to a lack of understanding of “God’s timing” and “God’s will.” In a post I wrote last year, I talked about how faith in things that aren’t God’s will is not really having faith. Faith is about trusting Heavenly Father even when things don’t happen according to our plans or our timing. Faith is not faith when it’s dependent upon a specific thing happening, especially when it’s dependent upon that thing happening at a specific time.
I absolutely hate the phrase, “Have faith that…” when the rest of the phrase has to do with something that might not be according to God’s will. Yes, I realize people often say this when it has to do with a righteous desire. Even righteous desires may not be fulfilled (at least not in this life) if they are not according to God’s will or if they go against another’s agency.
Closely connected to the “Have faith that…” phrase is the “I promise you…” phrase. While both are said with what I would assume are good intentions, both phrases need to be approached carefully. Are there times when someone can provide us with spiritual promises? Yes, especially if it comes from the prophet or someone else who has been inspired to offer that promise. Unfortunately, “I promise you…” statements or similarly worded statements also sometimes clash with God’s will and timing.
One Example of an “I Promise You…”
Roughly ten or eleven years ago, a high councilman spoke in our ward. It was mid-September, probably around the 15th-20th. I know that because the man talked about Moroni visiting Joseph Smith. The anniversary, September 21st, was coming up. He talked about how our prayers could be answered. He promised us that if we prayed every night and morning for a specific thing or specific things, by the next year, the thing/s that we prayed for would happen. The man encouraged us to pray for that thing starting September 21st until the next September 21st. There were no stipulations, such as “as long as it’s God’s will” or “your prayer might not be answered in the way that you think” or even “it might take longer than a year.”
For the next year, I prayed for two specific things, often more than just twice a day. As that one-year mark got closer and closer, it was clear that neither thing was going to happen. I wouldn’t say that my faith was crushed, but I will say that it was hard to accept. Both were worthwhile prayers. The promise came from a high councilman. Surely, he wouldn’t have promised us that if the promise couldn’t be fulfilled, right? The one thing I prayed for, which involved someone I know deciding to accept the gospel into their life, happened about two years ago. That didn’t go along with the man’s promise, but it did go along with the person’s agency and God’s timeline. I’m still waiting on the other one.
Why This Wording and Attitude Might Be Harmful
While this is not according to church doctrine, often within the church, we begin to have this attitude that if we do a specific thing, we will be blessed with a specific type of blessing. In some ways, I think phrases such as “Have faith that..” or “I promise you…” perpetuate this attitude. Unfortunately, focusing on these phrases instead of on God’s timing can cause discouragement and faith trials.
As I’ve been attending the SA ward for about 5-6 months, I’m surprised at how many of the people attending the ward admit to going inactive for a time as an adult. For many of them, at least part of the reason is their marital status. Some of them have never married, and their faith suffered when they were doing what they should, but marriage didn’t come for them. Others married and ended up divorced. They felt like they were doing what they should be doing, but when their eternal companionship ended in divorce, their faith also suffered.
I haven’t done any sort of scientific study, but I would guess that lack of full understanding of God’s timing and God’s will plays a huge part in why some people go inactive in the LDS church. I would say that this is particularly true for those who were active and who were striving to live gospel standards. Because of “promises” that specific things will happen combined with our lack of understanding concerning God’s will and timing, our faith may falter when things don’t turn out as expected.
*Sorry, I hadn’t intended for my spiritual pet peeve to go on for so long. When planning them out, I’d assumed all four sections would be about the same length.
My Bonus Pet Peeve
Okay, I said earlier that there were four pet peeves, but I felt like this should end on a little less serious note. I strongly dislike the phrase “rub shoulders.” It’s never made sense to me. For some reason, I picture this phrase completely literally. I strongly dislike when people in church (that’s where it always seems to come up) talk about “rubbing shoulders” with the rest of us. I just picture people walking around literally rubbing up against another person’s shoulders. Depending on their height, they have to bend down or stand on their tiptoes to rub shoulders with another person. I cringe every time I hear this phrase.
Sorry, but I don’t want to rub shoulders with everyone. How about everyone else? Do you have any pet peeve phrases or other pet peeves you want to share?
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