I’ve mentioned this before. Since about October, one of my responsibilities at the temple has been to be the sealing coordinator. Last week was my first week in almost six months where I was not the sealing coordinator. As I’ve transitioned back into regular temple worker responsibilities, I’ve realized that I might be too focused on having things my way.
When I First Realized It
In the weeks leading up to me being done with my assignment as sealing coordinator, I started training another lady to take my place. Ideally, I’d train for three months. Then I’d take over, and I would train the next person for three months. Because of several things, I had about a month to train my replacement. That was only four times working together.
During our final week of training together, I had the other lady take the harder responsibility, placing people in the different sealing rooms. This included deciding how many people to put in each room, which people to put in those rooms, and which rooms to use. When she asked, I offered advice. Since I wouldn’t be there the next week, I knew she needed to be comfortable doing it mostly on her own.
At one point, we had a huge group of people. The more people, the harder it is to coordinate where you want to put them. When she completed the list of where she was placing people, she showed it to me. It wasn’t the way that I would have organized people. Yet, there was also nothing wrong with what she had planned.
It was tempting to give my input and completely switch around what she had done. I wanted her to do it my way because of course my way was the best way. Yet, I held back. Her way was good. I, of course, felt my way was better, but I also knew that the way that she had coordinated things would still work well.
Dreams Hinting at That I Want Things My Way
In the week between my final day as one of the sealing coordinators and my first day back on a regular schedule, I had at least two dreams about what would happen once I was no longer the sealing coordinator. I don’t remember fully what happened in the one dream. I just know that things fell apart.
In the other dream, though, the two ladies who were the sealing coordinators completely shirked their responsibility. They felt too overwhelmed by the job, so they just took off, leaving the sealing patrons unsure of what they were supposed to do or where they were supposed to go. In my dream, I had to take back over because these two ladies couldn’t handle the workload. I was the hero. Apparently, I felt if I wasn’t there to make sure things went my way, they’d fall apart.
I should mention that both of the ladies doing the sealing coordinator position are very responsible women. I trust them to do things right. Neither one would walk away from their responsibilities. Yet, there must have been a subconscious feeling that things wouldn’t go quite right without me there to organize things.
Last Week’s Revelation
As I went back to a regular schedule, I was a bit concerned. I’d trained the one lady, but had she really gotten enough training to be in charge? Would she be able to train the lady under her? Maybe, they needed me there for at least one more week.
As I was walking by the two sealing coordinators on my way from one assignment to another, I decided to check in with them. They told me it had been a busy day so far, but they were handling it. It hit me that as much as I wanted them to need me, they could do it without me. I’d done my part to ensure that someone else was properly trained to take over, and now was my time to step aside, letting them do things their way.
Why I Wanted Things My Way
I think my desire to have things my way comes from several things. Unfortunately, most of them boil down to pride in some way.
My Way = The Best Way (Right?)
First, I want to believe that my way is the best way. It works for me. I’ve achieved the desired results by doing things my way. People have complimented me on how smoothly things go when I’m in charge of coordinating sealings for our shift. If it’s worked well, it must be the best way, right?
I have to realize that the best way for me isn’t always the best way for someone else. I’ve seen the sheets that some of the other shifts use for coordinating sealings. In some cases, they are confusing. In other cases, I feel like they’re doing the work twice. Yet, it works for them. My way might be the best way for me, but it might not work as well for someone else.
This same concept can apply to many other things that we do in life. I generally read my scriptures first thing in the morning, but that doesn’t mean that’s the only time someone can read them. Maybe, someone else finds they are more awake and therefore better able to concentrate on what they’re reading later in the day. That doesn’t make either method “The Right Method and the Only Right Method.”
It could also apply to things like how you study your scriptures, when you like to attend the temple, how you do missionary work, what activities you do or do not do on Sunday to keep the Sabbath day holy, and many other things.
My Desire to Feel Important
I’ll admit it. It made me feel good to be in charge. It made me feel important, like I mattered. I felt good about myself, knowing I was trusted with a big responsibility at the temple. There are over 60 women on my shift, but I was the one trusted with that responsibility. I felt like I must be doing something right. Unfortunately, this feeling could (and probably did at times) easily slip from me feeling good about myself to me feeling a bit prideful about myself. I’m important. I’m doing this right, so you should do this right by doing it my right way. I may not phrase it that way, but I think I thought that way at times.
I Like Bossing People Around
This goes along with liking to be in charge as a leader. I do like to be able to organize things like this. Maybe, I shouldn’t say that I like bossing people around. Maybe, that’s not quite the right wording. Coordinating who’s going where feels like a real-life logic puzzle. It’s a mentally stimulating experience.
The Ultimate Takeaway for Me
Along with realizing that there are often many right ways to do something, I can learn other lessons from this experience. I can feel good about the success of those who are or will be sealing coordinators after me. The lessons I learned from those who came before me were passed down to me, and I passed them to the next woman. She will pass it to the next woman. Through the efforts of those who came before us, we can each learn and grow successfully. I haven’t failed (and they aren’t failing) just because someone after me might do things slightly differently than how I did them.
I can also learn from Ecclesiastes 3. The first verse says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” I had my time to be one of the sealing coordinators. Now, it’s time for someone else to take the reins. It’s time for me to step back and allow them to experience the blessings of being sealing coordinators. I might get the chance to help again if someone’s sick or otherwise unable to come one week, but now is not my time to be the sealing coordinator anymore.
I think we all feel this sadness or longing when we’re released from a church calling we enjoyed. Yet, we can luckily look back on the experience with good memories.
