The First Time I Felt Like I Could Belong

About six months ago, I started going to a Single Adult ward. Anyone who knows me well knows this transition was not an easy one for me for several reasons. Despite feeling like I needed to go, I have struggled with feelings that I really don’t belong there. I feel like I don’t have a lot in common with the other people in the ward. I feel overwhelmed by the large number of people showing up to sacrament, and I generally just feel like an unimportant number among the 1,335,734 people attending the ward (okay, I exaggerated a bit with the numbers). I’m struggling to feel like I matter or to find a place where I belong among this huge group of people.

My Attempt to Find My Place

In the beginning, I tried to attend some of the small group activities. Unfortunately, these often made me feel like I had basically nothing in common with the other people in the ward. It often felt like activities were an opportunity for a bragfest. Some of the people would talk about the amazing things they owned and how they’d spent a lot of money on them. It felt very materialistic. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don’t like to spend money. I don’t need the nicest things or the newest things, hence why I still drive a 2001 Toyota Echo. I couldn’t relate to these people and their desire to impress others with their extravagant purchases.

When people weren’t bragging about their possessions, they seemed to be bragging about their spirituality. I went to one activity where one lady spent probably close to an hour bragging about how spiritual she is and how God had told her that she is worthy for pretty much any calling that a woman can get in the church. I remember thinking two things. First, if she was that righteous, she wouldn’t feel the need to brag about it. She would also be humble. Second, if God really had revealed this to her, it was probably something she should keep sacred and not just share with anyone.

Sure, there were moments when someone would say something in church, and I’d feel like maybe that person understood me at least a little. Overall, though, I was beginning to think that I had nothing in common with these people other than being unmarried members of the church. I prayed several times, hoping that I’d given the ward enough of a chance and that I could just go back to a regular ward.

The Decision

A while back, our ward started Education Nights. They are kind of similar to Institute but include more of a broad range of classes. Last time, there were classes on the Book of Mormon, dating, and some self-reliance classes. I attended the Book of Mormon one a few times, but I was never fully committed to the class. I could say that I hate driving in the snow at night, which is true. Mostly, though, I wasn’t fully ready to commit to dedicating one evening a week to coming to a place where I felt like I was trying to force myself to belong.

They started preparing for the next round of Education Night classes about two weeks ago. As part of that, someone put a poll up about what classes people were interested in taking. It said to pick one or two. I looked through them, picking two that sounded interesting, including the Self Reliance: Emotional Resilience class.

Last week, I got a Facebook message asking if I was willing to commit to the self-reliance class. They had mentioned before that unlike the other classes, if people chose the self-reliance classes, they wanted them to commit to the self-reliance classes for the long run. I went back and forth on this, making excuses in my head concerning why I couldn’t commit to the full 12 weeks. This would go through the end of June. Was I really ready to commit to coming to the class once a week through the end of June? Ultimately, I committed to coming, and I showed up last week for our first class.

As the Class Starts

On the drive to the church, I struggled with my feelings. I nearly drove back home. They’d talked about how these classes required participation and some vulnerability. Was I ready to commit to that? I’d made a mistake. I shouldn’t have committed to joining the class. I could still back out. Besides, the self-reliance classes started half an hour before the other Education Night classes. That meant that for the next 12 weeks, I was going to have to miss the second half of “Jeopardy” once a week. Did I really want to do that? Nooooooo! At the very least, I could just go to one of the classes that started a half hour later.

As the class started, there were only six people. Someone mentioned that there were a few people who were unable to attend but that they’d start attending the next week. I remember thinking that I should have waited an extra week to commit to coming.

A Time to Feel Like I Belong

Ultimately, the class went really well. It was an opportunity to share feelings and talk about our own experiences. It was personal without feeling too personal. As I heard other people’s thoughts, I realized I shared similar feelings and experiences. I wasn’t a complete outcast. I began to feel like maybe I could belong among these people. It was a great feeling to realize that we shared similar feelings. Not once did someone brag about money, possessions, or spirituality. It was a relief.

Our first class was on “Building Emotional Resilience” with a focus on two things: turning to the Savior and expressing gratitude. I could handle that, and I could commit to working on these two things throughout the coming week. The class went better than expected, and I left feeling good about the experience.

Will I Continue to Feel Like I Belong?

Now, it’s time for my doubts to come in. Yes, I realize that ironically, that completely goes against having emotional resilience. I felt like I could belong among these people last week, but there were only six of us. This week and moving forward, there might be twice that many people.

During last week’s discussion, we all participated roughly the same amount. That’s the ideal and the plan for the class, but with a bigger group, will someone dominate the conversation? Will I feel my thoughts and contributions pushed aside? Will I no longer feel like I belong with these people? Those are all concerns going through my head right now. I need to feel like I belong somewhere when it comes to my ward, and I want to feel comfortable in a group setting in my ward. Hopefully, I can form friendships with these people. Unfortunately, the bigger the group gets, the less likely I think those bonds will form. I can probably handle another 2-3 people, as long as they know how to contribute their share, no less, no more.

At this point, only time will tell whether going to this class/discussion group will be a good idea or a bad one. I’m hoping for the good one, though.