While going to grad school in 2010-2012, I taught a YSA Sunday School class. Honestly, it was one of the hardest callings emotionally and mentally that I’ve ever had. I had an assortment of insecurities concerning teaching. I felt unsure about my own gospel knowledge. Along with that, several people in the class were going into teaching. I felt unqualified to be the one teaching. Add in my worries that someone would ask a question and I’d have no idea how to answer it, and I was full of insecurities concerning the class.
Why It Was So Hard
When I first started teaching the class, I was the only teacher. This was back in the day when we had Sunday School every Sunday. This meant I was planning a lesson every week. I wish that I was joking when I said this, but most weeks, I spent 20-30 hours planning my lesson. That included reading over the scriptures, making sure I understood the material, reading cross-reference verses if parts of it didn’t make sense, determining what parts of the lesson I wanted to focus on, and deciding how I wanted to teach the material. I didn’t want to look like an idiot, so I wanted to make sure I was overprepared.
Part of the problem was that I was never sure who would show up. There were weeks when I only had two students, only one of whom would actually participate. There were other weeks when I had around 14 students. Although that’s not a huge class, teaching 2 students versus teaching 14 students is a very different experience.
People who showed up had varying levels of gospel knowledge. There were people in their upper-20s, who’d been members their own lives, gone on missions, and knew a lot about the gospel. Sometimes, we would get investigators who barely knew who God and Jesus Christ were. Then you had the people who fell somewhere in the middle. I wanted to create a lesson that wasn’t too hard for those who knew almost nothing about the gospel while also creating a lesson that wasn’t too basic for those who were more knowledgeable in the gospel. I’m not sure how often I actually achieved that goal.
My Insecurities Were Multiplied
I’d been teaching the YSA Sunday School class for probably 6-8 months when we had a lesson that mentioned transfiguration. We read the verse, talked about how we didn’t know fully what happens when someone was transfigured, and moved on with the lesson. It wasn’t a lesson I expected to be at all memorable. I don’t even remember what verse we read. The entire discussion took less than a minute. I’d guess around 30-45 seconds. If I’d known the trouble that one verse would cause, I would have skipped it.
Several weeks later, I found out that someone who had been in the lesson told the missionaries we had discussed transfiguration. The person suggested the missionaries talk in more detail about transfiguration with their investigator who had been in the class. This quickly spiraled into the class being discussed in ward council.
Somewhere along the way, things quickly spiraled out of control even more. Rumors arose that I had taught that transfiguration was like the vampires sparkling in Twilight. Anyone who knows me well knows that I would never use that book to reference anything in a lesson I was teaching. Instead of half a minute being about transfiguration, it became the focus of the lesson, and I apparently taught all kinds of false doctrine.
At some point, it was suggested that I shouldn’t be teaching the class. If my insecurities about being the YSA Sunday School teacher were bad before, they were way worse now. I was too young, too inexperienced in the gospel, too immature, and too a bunch of other things to be trusted to teach the class.
Things Continued to Spiral
At one point, it was suggested that maybe the missionaries should be teaching the class. I was in my late 20s. Most of the missionaries were 5-7 years younger than me. Along with that, if it was about age, the Elders Quorum president at the time was about a year and a half younger than me. They trusted him to teach. Why not me? It was my understanding that my lack of abilities to teach the class were discussed in ward council for about 3 months straight.
During this time, I was feeling less and less confident in my teaching abilities. Probably two or two and a half months into the issue, a member of the bishopric attended one of my classes. This wasn’t completely unusual. The same man had come to my class probably 3 or 4 other times. This time, though, I knew why he was there. My teaching insecurities continued to multiply. My insecurities were bad enough that I started hoping they’d release me. They were probably right. I couldn’t teach the class well. They should find someone new.
I’m not entirely sure how the issue was resolved. I just heard one day that it was no longer being discussed in ward council. Two or three months later, they got me a teaching partner, a guy who had recently gotten back from his mission. That meant I only had to teach every other week. While I would have appreciated that a year before that when I was struggling to find time to plan a lesson every week, now it just increased my teaching insecurities. I knew he was put in place because of what had happened a few months earlier.
Where Things Went Wrong
The number one problem in this story was a lack of communication. As far as I know, no one who actually attended that class was consulted to figure out what happened. When I mentioned it to someone who had been in class, the person couldn’t even remember us discussing transfiguration in any lesson. I had to remind her of the lesson. Even then, I’m not sure she really remembered the discussion.
If someone had been asked about the class early on, I think people would have quickly realized the issue was being blown out of proportion. People were making assumptions about the class based on false or incomplete information.
Second, I wish that I hadn’t known what was happening behind the scenes. There’s a reason things discussed in ward council are supposed to stay confidential. If I hadn’t known that people were complaining about my class, I could have continued teaching the way that I was teaching. I wouldn’t have felt my teaching insecurities multiplied. I wouldn’t have wondered if I really was a horrible teacher. It wouldn’t be something that 13 years later, I’m still thinking about. I wouldn’t be wondering how I could have taught that lesson differently.
Lessons Learned
I could probably name a dozen or more lessons learned from this experience, but here are just five that come to mind.
Be Careful How You Judge, Especially Without the Whole Story
I’ll admit it. I sometimes judge people based on false or incomplete information. Of course, I don’t realize at the time that I’m doing that. We hear part of a story, and we make assumptions about the person or the situation. I think we’ve all done that before. This is one of the reasons why avoiding gossip is so important. Even if the thing that was said about the person originally is true, if it’s not helpful, it shouldn’t be repeated.
There’s a Reason Confidential Information Should Stay Confidential
I’d like to believe that the person who told me what was being discussed in ward council told me out of kindness. Unfortunately, the only thing it did was increase my insecurities and make me even more self-conscious about teaching YSA Sunday School lessons. I already felt pretty badly about myself and my abilities to teach the lesson. While the person’s heart might have been in the right place, there was no reason I needed to know what was being discussed in ward council. The whole thing could have happened without me knowing anything about what was said about my class during ward council.
For anyone who wondered if something discussed in confidence should be shared with the person being discussed, consider what sharing it with them would accomplish. In cases like this, the person doesn’t need or want to know. As I mentioned before, if they felt the need to discuss it with me, someone easily could have asked me about the class, thereby quickly ending any concerns about what actually took place. While I’d hate to learn two or three years later that people where talking about me, this is one situation where “ignorance is bliss.”
Communication is Important
I mentioned this in the area where I talked about what went wrong. If people had asked the right people the right questions from the beginning, the “transfiguration lesson” issue could have been resolved in 5 minutes tops. It wouldn’t have been the subject of concern for 3+ months. I think we’ve all had times when misunderstandings or miscommunication led to hurt feelings.
Kindness Can Go a Long Way
During the time when my class was being discussed in ward council, I was also going through a handful of other issues. It would have made a world of difference if someone had kindly approached me about what was happening or if someone had told me that I was doing a good job. I wouldn’t say that my insecurities would have all gone away, but I definitely would have felt less like a teaching failure.
There Will Always be Those Who Judge You
Truth be told, I am also making some assumptions based on my understanding of what was discussed in those meetings. With that in mind, I understand that one person was the one pushing for someone else to take over teaching the YSA Sunday School lessons. Maybe, he was legitimately concerned that I was teaching false doctrine. It sounded more, though, like he might have been a bit sexist and/or made some assumptions about unmarried women’s abilities.
In life, we are going to be judged for who we are or who we are not. This might include being judged for our religion. It might include being judged for our age, race, or what people see as our intelligence level. It might be our employment or lack of employment. We might be judged for our hairstyles or other ways that we look.
For me, one that stands out is being judged for your marital status. For some, it might be questions of why they got married so young. With other people, it will be questions of why they aren’t married. People may criticize those who are divorced. Even widows, who either marry “too soon” after their spouse died or who people think should remarry will face judgment. Your number of children, where you choose to live, and other personal choices may also be the subject of judgment.
While we often can’t change someone’s judgment of us, we can choose how we react. Like me, you can allow people’s opinions of you to feed on your insecurities. You can allow others to determine how you feel about yourself. You can also instead go in the other direction. Instead, choose to not let other’s opinions of you influence you. Yes, that’s easier said than done.
My Conclusions
Ultimately, I would encourage people to be careful how you judge others. You never know how your judgment might affect that person, even years later.
