For my Emotional Resilience group last week, we talked about anger. This discussion included talking about how other emotions build up to us feeling angry. Some of the things we talked about are how you might feel annoyed, disrespected, frustrated, or tired before acting out in anger. We talked about how anger in itself isn’t necessarily bad. Because Christ got angry when He cleansed the temple, we determined that it’s about how you act on that anger more than the feeling itself that might be bad.
My Takeaway Concerning Being Angry
In the group, we talked about times when people felt angry and acted on that anger. We discussed a bit about if these actions were justified. In some cases, we never really came to a conclusion. There are definitely times when it’s easy to say, “Yep, those actions were justified.” For example, if you’re defending someone or something from danger or abuse, you may raise your voice and even physically get between the abuser and the abused. Acting in anger in a controlled manner might be 100% appropriate.
There are other times when anger is definitely not appropriate. This may include when you demean someone, resort to violence, or otherwise use your anger and aggression to intimidate or humiliate someone.
Sometimes it’s harder to determine if the result justifies the means. For example, if someone is being rude to you or showing a lack of regard for your feelings or opinions, are you justified in getting angry? Maybe, that anger might lead to your desired results. Ultimately, if there’s a better, more caring way to achieve that same result, acting out in anger probably isn’t the best solution.
Watch for Those Hint Feelings
In the class, we also talked about the underlying feelings that may lead to feeling angry. This may include frustration, impatience, annoyance with the situation, or feeling threatened. It may also include being hungry or tired. Watching for these hint feelings or situations may also help to prevent us from allowing anger to take over.
My Anger Struggle
In the group, we talked about both negative and positive ways to deal with anger. Some of the negative ways were to dwell on hurt feelings, argue while angry, and yelling, screaming, or shouting. Unfortunately for me, it’s sometimes hard to find a balance between not acting on those angry feelings at that time and not dwelling on those feelings if I don’t say something at the time. If the problem isn’t addressed at that time, the anger and hurt feelings just continue to build. Then when I reach my breaking point, I’m more likely to really react in anger.
Of course, the ideal solution is to decide to address those hurt feelings once I’ve calmed down. Unfortunately, that may lead to me allowing my feelings to be brushed aside or minimized. Dealing with anger in an appropriate manner is definitely a work in progress for me.
An Unexpected Feeling of Annoyance…
The day after the Emotional Resilience group, I went to the temple. Depending on when you go to an endowment session at the Idaho Falls Temple, you might be in a session where every seat is full, and they have to pull out a few folding chairs, or you might be in a session where there’s enough space that each patron could have a row to themselves. Generally, it falls somewhere in the middle.
On this day, it was almost exactly half full. This meant that for the most part, we could sit every other seat and still have room for everyone. When there is space, it is nice to leave an empty seat between me and the person closest to me. This allows me to not feel like I’m getting in anyone’s way and they aren’t getting in my way throughout the session.
On this particular day, I’d left a seat between me and the person next to me. It was intentional, and as I mentioned before, there were plenty of other empty seats. As one woman came in the room, she decided she wanted that seat between me and the lady next to me. She shoved her way down my row, skipping over another empty seat closer to the aisle on my row, and then she sat in the empty seat next to me and the other lady. She then proceeded to talk to the lady on her other side in something much louder than a “temple whisper.”
I wouldn’t say that I was angry, but I was definitely annoyed. Why’d she have to have that seat, and why did she need to talk so loudly? As the session continued, I didn’t dwell on the annoyance.
… And What I Learned
As the session came to an end, the lady who had to have that empty seat turned to me and thanked me for letting her sit there. My first thought was that I really hadn’t “let” her sit there. I didn’t have a lot of say in the manner. She then told me that she’d been a YW leader 14 years ago for the lady sitting on her other side. She said she didn’t often get a chance to talk to the lady, and she was grateful for that opportunity in the temple.
At that point, I felt a bit guilty. Maybe, I should have been more understanding of her decision to take that seat. Seeing someone that you don’t get to see often is an exciting experience. I was being a bit judgmental and getting annoyed over something that really wasn’t a big deal in the eternal scheme of things. I still think, though, that she could have used a “temple whisper” to talk to her friend.
For me, this experience was a great reminder that we shouldn’t allow annoyances, frustrations, or other feelings to spiral into something more. Even in the calmest, most spiritual places, we can find negativity if we allow ourselves. As a temple worker and patron, I’ve definitely seem some times when people have gotten angry while at the temple. I don’t want to be one of those people.
