A few weeks ago, my sister mentioned this guy who used to be in our YSA ward. That would have been probably about 12 years ago. She mentioned this guy because he has a son who was in my niece’s kindergarten class. My sister said in a sarcastic tone that he was one of my “favorite people.” I felt a little embarrassed and wondered if I’m someone who looks down on people. I want to believe that I’m not quick to judge. Some people just really annoy me, especially when they come off as arrogant. This got me thinking about the difference between being self-confident and looking down on others.
My Own Insecurities
I’ll be honest. I know I’m not self-confident. In the online version of the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-confidence is defined as confidence in oneself and in one’s powers and abilities. Yep, I’m definitely lacking in that area. Yet, I have to wonder if I sometimes get a bit prideful and look down on other people. This has made me consider the difference between being self-confident and being someone who looks down on others.
Seeing People Putting Others Down
In some recent posts, I’ve talked a bit about how I’ve struggled to feel like I belong in my ward. One reason is that there are some people who just seem to want to brag about themselves. Maybe, at times I’m a bit jealous. I don’t have these amazing things to brag about. Mostly, though, I’ve come to realize that I just don’t enjoy people bragging about themselves, especially when their bragging makes it clear that they think that they are better than other people.
I don’t think people should hide their talents or abilities, but there’s a difference between being self-confident and willing to share your talents and being someone who thinks they are the best at everything. When your bragging seems more like putting others down than simply stating your accomplishments, I think you’ve crossed the line from being self-confident to just being a jerk.
Recent Experiences
There’s this one lady in my ward who just really annoys me. I know I need to work harder to notice her good qualities. Right now, I’m struggling to do that. Recently, she was talking about how one of her bishops told her that she was really righteous. Apparently, she’s too righteous, so that’s why she’s still single. There just aren’t any men righteous enough to marry her. She’s also bragged about how she’s the best baker in the world. I tried some cookies she baked. They were okay, but they were nowhere near the best cookies I’ve ever eaten. She’s also bragged about her knowledge of the scriptures, how often she gets personal revelation, famous (or semi-famous) people she’s met, and a number of other things. It’s kind of draining to spend time around her because the conversation has to be pretty much all about her.
I’ve realized this is a pattern with most of the people who really annoy me. Whether they make it clear that they think they are better than me, they stereotype a specific group that’s different from them, or they otherwise treat others as inferiors, the people who annoy me the most are those who look down on others. They also make things all about themselves with little opportunity for others to join in the conversation.
Maybe, I’m seeing myself in these people, and that’s why they annoy me so much. After all, I can be prideful. For me, it’s most often manifested in my competitive nature. Yet, I’d like to believe that I can be competitive without making others feel like I view them as inferior. Maybe not, though. Maybe, I’m just as much of a jerk as the people who annoy me.
What Does It Mean to Be Self-Confident?
I’m not sure how to answer this question. In my mind, someone who is self-confident recognizes their talents. They are willing to share those talents with others, especially when they know their abilities can benefit others. I feel like a self-confident person isn’t afraid to try new things. They know that they aren’t going to be great at everything, and that’s okay.
To me, a self-confident person is also humble. They realize that even if they are good at something, they could always be better at it. They want to develop their talents and find new talents. A self-confident person is someone you want to be around because they are confident in their own abilities, but they also recognize other people’s talents. Their confidence is contagious. They want others to feel good about themselves too.
What is a Person Like Who Looks Down on Others?
Pride is at the heart of this type of person. Unlike a self-confident person, who is fine with others feeling good about themselves, someone who brings others down does it at the expense of other people’s self-confidence or self-esteem. This person is a “one-upper”(okay, I can sometimes be a bit of a one-upper). They have to make it clear that they “know” they are better than other people. Their success means other people have to fail.
While a self-confident person is someone you want to be around, someone who looks down on others is arrogant and generally not someone people want to be around. When I’m around someone who is always putting others down, I leave feeling worse about myself, angry, drained, frustrated, uncomfortable, or otherwise negative about the experience.
My Self-Confident Goal
In writing this, I realized I sometimes look down on others. That’s something I’d like to be better about not doing. Along with that, I would like to be better about being self-confident. I want to recognize my own talents and share them with others without being prideful about it. I guess it’s time to find that balance.
