I’ve been a temple ordinance worker at the Idaho Falls Temple since June 2018. Along with other things, that means once a week, I spend about six hours working alongside ladies who are for the most part old enough to be my mom. Occasionally, we’ll get a pre-missionary or a post-missionary (18-20ish years old). Yet, I realized recently that I’m old enough to be many of the pre-missionaries’ and post-missionaries’ mom. While I love being a temple worker, I am the “odd woman out.”
What She Said to Me
A few months back, a lady that I work with at the temple texted me one evening (not while we were at the temple). As some background, she had previously attempted to set me up with one of her friend’s sons. It hadn’t worked out, but I am still on good terms with the guy. My temple friend had been a little reluctant to accept that things weren’t going to work out between her friend’s son and me.
That evening, she sent me a text asking me if things were really over with this guy. When I confirmed that they were, she responded by telling me to not give up on finding the right guy for me. She told me to trust the Lord to help me. I casually and somewhat jokingly texted something along the lines of that I would, but that I may have to wait until the next life for that to happen for me. Then the “offending” text came telling me to “have faith” that she was sure it would happen in this life.
Why It Bothered Me
I know that my friend was trying to be supportive. She wanted to encourage me. The thing is, though, that the phrase to “have faith” when it’s something that may or may not happen really bothers me. The fact is that I’m going to be 40 later this year. I’m not married. I’ve never been even close to getting married. I may not marry in this life. It just may not happen for me. I’ve accepted this, and telling me to have faith in something that may or may not happen does bother me. It’s not faith if it’s not true.
Does that mean that I’ve given up on getting married before I die? Honestly? That depends on the day. At times, I would even say that it depends on the hour, minute, and second. There are definitely days/hours/minutes/seconds when I’m almost 100% certain that if I can just be patient for a little bit longer, the right guy is going to come into my life soon. There are other days/hours/minutes/seconds when I’m pretty much 100% sure that there’s no chance of me ever getting married before I die. Then there are times when my feelings fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.
Where I Can Put My Faith
Here’s my thought process. I can have “faith” that I will one day get married, or I can have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. No, those are not the same thing. When I have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, that plan may or may not involve me getting married in this life. If my faith involves me getting married and I do marry, great. My faith will likely not be shaken. If, though, my faith is in me getting married and I do not end up getting married, my faith will be shaken. If my faith is in Heavenly Father having a plan for me, that faith (hypothetically) is not shaken no matter the outcome.
Unfortunately, I must admit that I don’t always trust Heavenly Father’s plan for me. It is easy to fall into the trap of doubt. I sometimes wonder if He really does have something great planned for my life. I sometimes feel a bit abandoned by God. Sometimes, I lack faith in His plan for me. Yet, I would rather have faith in something that I know to be true than in something that may or may not happen.
Connections to a Talk
This might be a roundabout way to get to this, but as I stewed a bit on my friend’s advice to “have faith,” a talk came to mind. At first, I wasn’t completely sure who gave the talk, although I was thinking that it was David A. Bednar. The phrase “the faith to not be healed” and the accompanied story came to mind.
When I went to look it up, I realized that I was correct about the phrase coming from a talk by David A. Bednar. In the talk, That We Might “Not Shrink,” Elder Bednar talks about how a newlywed couple asks him for a priesthood blessing. The husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. Instead of just giving the man a blessing, Elder Bednar asks if they have the faith to not be healed.
Asking Ourselves the Faith Questions
In many ways, this question, or a similar question is something that we can all ask ourselves.
Do I have the faith to not get married in this life?
Do I have the faith to not get the job that I really want?
Do I have the faith to not be blessed with the five kids I always wanted?
Do I have the faith to not walk again after my car accident?
Do I have the faith to not have my prayer answered the way that I want?
Do I have the faith to not…
I think we can all fill in the blank with a number of different outcomes. It is easy to have faith, or at least to think we have faith, when things are going our way. That faith, though, is not tested until the “to not” moments come into our lives, the times when things don’t go the way that we planned or hoped. It is only in those moments that we can really prove that we do “have the faith.”
*What are some of your “Do I have the faith to not…” moments or trials? How did your faith do during these times?
David A. Bednar, “That We Might ‘Not… Shrink,'” March 3, 2013 CES Devotional for Young Adults
4 comments
Comments are closed.