Feeling Like the Outcast has been several years in the making. Back in 2017 or 2018, I started feeling like there was a specific book that I needed to write. I fought that feeling for over a year. I didn’t want to write it. While most of what I write has personal elements, this was too personal. Eventually, I caved to the prompting. Even then, though, it took me a while to get serious about writing the book.
Sending It to a Book Publisher
The prompting to write this book, Feeling Like the Outcast, was so strong that when I sent the manuscript to a publisher in mid-2022, there was not a doubt in my mind that it would be accepted, and I’d be a published author in no time.
I think the publisher’s website said that I’d have an answer within two months. I waited and waited. The date to know for sure if my manuscript would be published drew closer and closer. This had to be good news, right? It had to mean that they were really taking my book seriously. Then one day I got on my computer, and there was a rejection message. It wasn’t the first time I’d gotten a rejection from a publisher, but this was the hardest. How could it be rejected when I felt so strongly about writing this book?
I put my manuscript aside. Unfortunately, because of the nature of this book, there’s really only one publisher for it. Yes, there are imprints, but they all fall under the same publisher. I felt like a failure. I know all the stories about super successful authors who had to send their book to ten or twenty publishers before it was published, but that wouldn’t be the case for me with no other publisher options.
A Humbling Path to Publication
Slowly, an idea started to build in my mind, but I didn’t like it. I could self-publish. NOOO! There was no way that I was self-publishing my book. I’d sworn I’d never do that. I’ve read a lot of self-published books. I’d even had the chance for a while to read them and provide paid reviews (not worth the small amount of money I made). Let’s just say that there’s a reason for the word “vanity press.” If you can write it, no matter how horribly it’s written, you can publish it. I didn’t want people to think that I was just writing this book and trying to pawn it off on family and friends simply to get my name on the front of a book.
My thinking was that if it’s not good enough to be accepted by a publisher, it clearly isn’t good enough. This, of course (as makes perfect logical sense), led to me feeling like I was a failure in every aspect of my life. After all, other than spiritual goals, being a published writer is my greatest desire in life.
After some serious thought, prayers, arguing with the Spirit, and realizing that there are some really great self-published books out there, I pushed aside that pride. I started researching some self-publishing options. In a nervous, humbling, excited, scared, dreading way, I have decided to go the self-publishing route.
What This Book Is
Perhaps, one of the problems with getting Feeling Like the Outcast published is that it doesn’t fit into a specific genre. Even in the super-specific LDS fiction market, it’s a bit of an outlier. I guess that fits perfectly with the theme of the book.
Feeling Like the Outcast is for anyone who’s ever felt like an outcast at church. It’s for the person who while their testimony is strong, sometimes they question whether they really belong at church. It’s for the person who sits alone because no one sits next to them and they’re afraid to sit next to someone else. The book’s for anyone who doesn’t feel like they fit the mold of the perfect member of the church. That includes those who look differently, those who might dress differently, those who are unmarried, those who are unable to have kids, and everyone else who feels a bit out of place at church on occasion. It’s for those who suffer from depression, which may affect them spiritually.
As a Warning to Readers
If you’ve read this far, thank you. No, this book does not have inappropriate material. It does, though, hit on depression, especially toward the end of the book. Before writing this book and throughout the process, I always called it Letters from the Sewer-side. While it didn’t get that dark, you can definitely see where this book might help or hurt someone. I hope that it will be something that will help others.
I’ve read through, edited, re-edited, and completely destroyed parts of this book. It’s not perfect, and it never will be. I love parts of it. I hate parts of it. There are parts I love one day and hate the next time I read them. You don’t have to love it (I don’t even expect most people to read it), but if you do decide to read it, please be kind if you leave a review.
Where You Can Find It
The book is currently available on Amazon in an ebook version if you are interested in reading it. If you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read it for free. Within the next few days, a paperback version should also be available. Here’s a link to the page where the book can be found: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CLH5379L
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