Lately, I’ve been thinking about a food mandoline emergency that happened almost exactly nine years ago. I won’t go into all the details of the incident, but feel free to skip ahead to the “Damage is Worse Than Expected” heading if you get a bit queasy regarding medical emergencies. Basically, I was slicing potatoes, didn’t have the guard in place for some reason, and took off the tip of my thumb. While the connection may not make sense right away, as I think back on my thumb’s healing process, I think about the healing process of repentance.
What Happened With My Thumb
Initially, I thought that I’d just knicked my thumb. I thought there might be a little blood. As I ran into the bathroom to look at it, I realized it was far worse than I anticipated. While it hadn’t gotten down to the bone, there was a decent-sized chunk of my thumb missing. Without constant pressure on it, it would bleed pretty badly. This was the first and only time (so far) that I’ve gone into shock.
I ended up at the emergency room. Because of the nature of the injury, they were unable to use stitches to fix the injury. Instead, the healing process involved gauze that didn’t stick to the open wound combined with this ointment that I’m pretty sure came from “Harry Potter’s” wizarding world because it regrew my finger. The gauze had to be changed regularly. Unfortunately, even about a week after the incident, my thumb would bleed (although not as readily) if there wasn’t constant pressure on it, so the gauze-changing process had to be quick. Ultimately, it took about a year for my finger to look normal again.
The Damage is Worse Than Expected
When it came to my thumb and sin, in both cases, we often don’t know the damage that’s been caused at first. We may think at first that our actions have only caused minor damage. Only later do we realize that the damage is far worse than initially thought. Yet, that doesn’t mean the damage can never be repaired at all.
Repentance Takes Time
In both the physical healing process and the repentance process, healing might take longer than we anticipated. As I mentioned above, it took about a year for my thumb to heal. At first, my thumb and the surrounding area were mostly numb. I couldn’t bend my thumb properly for a while. There were times when I thought I’d never get feeling back in my thumb or be able to use it properly. It took a lot of patience. My thumb didn’t go from disgusting injury to fully healed but instead healed piece by piece.
When it comes to repentance, there are times when we may be able to go through the process in only a short amount of time. With bigger sins, particularly those that hurt other people, the process may take a long time. It might be an ongoing process for months or even years. Yet, with patience, dedication, and turning to Savoir, we can also repent. At times, it may feel like we will never reach the process of being fully healed. Fortunately, if we put forth the time and effort, we can be fully healed from sin.
Things May Never Be Quite the Same
While to most people, my thumb looks normal now, I know the difference between how it was before and how it is now. I can feel the little bump in my thumbnail down to where the injury took place. The thumbnail can’t be cut as far down as other nails because a little extra skin sticks out. In an odd sort of way, if the nail is too long, it seems to weigh down the thumb. Sometimes, I can’t pinch to grab small things, such as tiny beads, using that thumb. It’s harder to clean under that nail because dirt and other things get stuck between the extra skin and the nail. Occasionally, the skin under the nail will get excessively dry or look like it’s scarring up. It’s not the same thumb as before the incident.
In the same way, while repentance does heal, we sometimes aren’t the same person after repentance as we were before we sinned. Unfortunately, some sins have lasting results that while the sin can be forgiven, the consequences cannot be entirely erased. This may include sins that cause physical damage to a person or their property. The unrepairable damage may also involve another’s reluctance to forgive us or maintain a relationship because of our sin.
Fortunately, not being the same person as we were before the sin can also be a good thing. When Christ’s Atonement and our own desire to repent make us a better person, the healing process has had a positive influence in our lives.
