This wasn’t the post I’d planned to write today. It wasn’t even on my list of potential future blog topics. Yet, as I was working at the temple yesterday, the outline for a blog about how we sometimes judge others without the full story came to me. Because of that, I felt that this was the post I needed to do today.
The Three Scenarios
Consider these three scenarios, which you’ve likely either faced or that on some level you can relate to. First, you’re driving along, and the woman driving the vehicle in front of you slows down and then makes a right turn, not using her blinker. You continue to follow this woman for a few more minutes. When she makes a left turn, she again fails to use her blinker. Maybe, you’re a bit frustrated. Why isn’t she using her blinker? How are people supposed to know what she’s doing and when she plans to turn?
In scenario two, you are also driving. In this case, a vehicle drives by going far above the speed limit. It’s soon clear that the man driving is what I sometimes refer to as a “lane weaver.” He even runs a stop light. You quickly judge him, perhaps hoping that he’ll get pulled over and get a ticket. Maybe, you’re even a bit concerned for your safety and the safety of other drivers around you. After all, this man could easily get in a wreck.
That leads to scenario number three, which does not take place while driving. In this case, you’ve planned a trip to the temple. You wore your Sunday best. As you get in line at the recommend desk, you notice the lady in front of you is wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, clearly not your typical temple attire. Maybe, you judge her clothes, whether out of jealousy that she was able to come to the temple in that or out of pride, thinking her clothes are not temple-appropriate.
Taking a Look at the Blinker Incident
My mom is the woman in the story about the blinker. For a while, she owned a car where the blinker would randomly stop working. She’d turn it on, and there’d be nothing. She knew when it wasn’t working because the light on the dashboard wouldn’t come on. A few times, she’d turn on the blinker in the driveway and have us look to see if the blinker came on from the outside. It never did.
Sometimes, it would work great for weeks or even months at a time and then randomly stop working. It might stop working for a few minutes or for a day or so. There was no rhyme or reason to it. When she’d take it in to the mechanic, they could never replicate the issue, and therefore, they could never figure out what was wrong. I guess a broken blinker is one reason why you learn all those hand signals in driver’s education, which most of us likely forget soon thereafter.
I’ll admit it. I’m still not always understanding of those people who fail to use their blinkers when driving. Yet, I do now sometimes find myself saying, “Maybe their blinker’s broken” (generally in a sarcastic or joking tone) when someone fails to use their blinker. We don’t know that person’s situation. Maybe, there is a good reason why they didn’t use their blinker.
But I Can Judge the Speeder, Right?
The story of the speeder/lane weaver came from a talk given by a member of our stake presidency at stake conference a few years ago. In this talk, he told us about his son, who had gotten surgery. If I remember right, he’d gotten his tonsils out. The kid was still feeling a bit off a few days after the surgery. When his son started throwing up blood, this member of the stake presidency, got his son in the car and rushed him to the hospital. He told us that he went quite a bit over the speed limit. He joked that people were so supportive of him, cheering him on and giving him the #1 symbol (only it was with their middle finger) as he drove by.
Ultimately, he made it to the hospital with his son, and the boy was rushed in for emergency surgery. He later found out that his son would have died if he hadn’t sped to the hospital. There was internal bleeding, and he would have choked on the blood if it had gone on much longer. I’m thinking that if he’d been 2-3 minutes slower, his son wouldn’t have survived.
It is so easy to assume that if someone is speeding, that person either just doesn’t care or that it’s the person’s own fault that they are running late. I’ll admit it. I often judge speeders or those who are lane weavers. Maybe, though, there is a legitimate reason for driving like that.
*I apologize if any part of this story was not 100% accurate. It’s been several years since I heard it, so I may have gotten some small details wrong. The moral of the story is the same, though.
Don’t Judge Another’s Temple Attire
As a temple worker, this wasn’t the first time I’d seen someone come in with clothing that’s generally not considered their Sunday best. This specific example stood out because I was working as a hostess just behind the recommend desk. The lady seemed rushed, and she apologized at the recommend desk for her clothing. I actually hadn’t noticed what she was wearing until she said something. She quickly explained that she’s a temple worker. She’d been in her car when she’d gotten a last-minute call from someone asking her to substitute for them. Luckily, she had her temple bag and her recommend, but she didn’t have time to go home and change into more appropriate clothing.
Thinking back, it is a bit sad that this lady felt like she had to justify her clothing. She shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed. Instead, she should feel good about herself. She was doing something good and helping someone out.
While I hadn’t noticed this lady’s clothing, I will admit that there are times when I’ve seen people come into the temple dressed very casually. Normally, I do try to assume that there’s a good reason for their clothing choice, but this incident reminded me to be even more caring and careful about how I judge others when they arrive at the temple. Their desire to be at the temple is far more important than what they wear when they arrive.
Reflecting on How I Judge Others
Of course, these are just a few of the examples of how we might judge others even though we are not perfect either. I’ll admit that I am sometimes a hypocrite when it comes to judging others. While I don’t want others to judge me for my imperfections, I realize that I am sometimes judgmental of others, ironically enough, sometimes for the same things that I don’t want others judging me about.
Next time, you find yourself quickly judging someone else, I encourage you to take a step back, assuming the best in that person. We have not been in that person’s exact situation. We do not understand their reasoning. If you want others to extend you some leniency and understanding, remember to do the same for them.
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