Any family member who reads this headline is probably going to roll their eyes, smile a bit, and tell me to get over it. Honestly, they’re probably right. I should get over it, but before I do, I’m going to tell you how I know that there are no donuts in Outer Darkness.
The Story
When I was twelve years old, one of my first YM/YW combined activities involved carnival games in the gym. I’m probably the only person who attended this activity who still remembers it. There were games that were “worldly,” basically the typical games that you’d expect at a carnival. Then there were more spiritual games, such as “Name That Hymn” or “Identify the Prophet Who Said That.” For every game you played, you got a token. The “worldly” tokens were one color and the “spiritual” tokens were another color.
I showed up on time for the activity. While the people running the worldly games showed up on time, those running the spiritual games were not there on time. I don’t know if this was a conscious decision or just a coincidence.
The way the activity went, you would play the games, and people would come into the gym and grab people to leave. This represented that you were “dying.” Based on the color of your tokens, you would then end up in the Celestial Kingdom, the Terrestrial Kingdom, the Telestial Kingdom, or Outer Darkness. I was one of the first people killed off. At that point (at least as I remember it), no one had even shown up to do the more spiritual games, so I only had the “worldly” tokens. Therefore, I found myself in Outer Darkness.
I know the activity then involved learning about each of the kingdoms with your group, but I really don’t remember that part. What I do remember is that there were enough donuts for everyone, but the people in the Celestial Kingdom got access to them first. Many of them took multiple donuts. Unfortunately, all the donuts were gone before any of us in Outer Darkness got one.
What You’re Probably Thinking
I know what everyone’s thinking: “Shilo, that was 27-28 years ago. Really? Aren’t you over it yet? Just let it go already. Someone should just get you a donut.” No, it’s about the principle of it. They got the donuts, and we didn’t get any. In the end, though, maybe not getting a donut that night was a blessing in disguise. That activity would not have stuck with me almost 30 years later if I’d gotten my donut.
Lessons From My Time in Outer Darkness
Fortunately, my time in Outer Darkness was short. I was probably sitting in the room for 10-15 minutes at the most waiting for everyone else to “die off.” For those who really do find themselves in Outer Darkness, they are there forever. Luckily, I was able to gain something from my short Outer Darkness experience.
I Can Learn From Experiences
Roughly 13-14 years later, I attended a similar FHE activity in my YSA ward. Those worldly games were there. The spiritual ones were also there. I’m competitive, and I wasn’t going to lose this time. I wasn’t taking chances. This time, I stuck 100% to the spiritual games. Sure, I lost at “Name That Hymn.” I probably didn’t do so well at matching the apostles and prophets to the facts involving them. I wasn’t tempted by those worldly games this time, though. There was no way I was taking my chances with ending up in Outer Darkness this time around. As I “died” this time, I only had the spiritual tokens. Even though there weren’t donuts, there was a certain amount of pleasure in knowing that I’d played the game right this time.
Of course, this doesn’t have to apply only to carnival games at the church. Life is about learning and growing from experiences. We are all going to make mistakes in life. The key is doing a little better the next time.
Live As Though Your Time is Now
Life rarely turns out the way we’ve planned. When I attended that YM/YM activity nearly 30 years ago, I didn’t know when they were going to pull me out of the carnival. I didn’t even realize what they were doing until I was headed down the hallway to “Outer Darkness.” While some people may get at least a little prior warning that their time is coming, for some of us, it could come completely unexpectedly.
Because we don’t know when we’ll die, it is important that we live each day as though it could be our last. This means living righteously and making decisions that draw us closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
If I live my life now as close to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I can be, and then I don’t die for another 50+ years, I won’t regret living that way. If, though, I decide that I have plenty of time to “enjoy life,” and then I plan on repenting later only to not live long enough to repent, I will have regrets.
Evaluate All Your Options
I ended up in “Outer Darkness” because I played only the games that I thought were available to me. Yet, I could have waited for people to show up to do the spiritual games. The second time around, the worldly games were still there, but I chose to go only with the more spiritual ones.
In life, when it feels like we only have one option and that option isn’t appealing, sometimes we need to take a step back and decide if that really is our only option. At times, what we view as a lack of options may simply mean that now’s the time to be patient, to wait for other, more appealing options, to come forward. That’s what I should have done that evening. I wonder now what would have happened if I’d “died” with no tokens.
The Celestial Kingdom Does Not Require Perfection
This might sound a bit odd. After all, isn’t perfection what we are all seeking for? While we should seek to be the best that we can be, Heavenly Father knows that we will all make mistakes. Even with our imperfections, He wants us to return to be with Him again. Yes, that requires repentance and our continual efforts to be better.
This analogy involves some symbolism. My friends in the “Celestial Kingdom” were not perfect. Some of them took multiple donuts even though they were told only to take one. I’m sure most of them, if not all of them, played some of the worldly games. Yet, they made it to the Celestial Kingdom.
To me, this doesn’t mean that I should avoid trying to be better. It does, though, mean that I shouldn’t feel too disappointed in myself if I fall short of the person that I know I should be. Instead, I just need to repent and try a little harder the next time.
There Will Be More Donut Opportunities
This one is completely symbolic. I didn’t get my donut that evening. Yet, I’ve probably eaten 100s of donuts since that day. It’s so easy to focus on the one donut that I didn’t get rather than to be grateful for the other ones that I did get.
In life, we may feel like things are unfair. Maybe, we don’t get the blessing (AKA donut) that we feel like we deserve. Maybe, we feel like everyone around us is being blessed, perhaps even with some of those same blessings that we feel like we deserve.
This is definitely something I struggle with at times, especially with social media, where people seem to brag about their great lives. Fortunately, even if we miss out on some blessings or if the blessings don’t come when we feel like they should, we can trust that we will have the chance to enjoy other blessings. There will always be more donut opportunities.
Great analogies!!! I’m sorry you didn’t get your donut. I remember doing a similar activity to this in youth (it must have been trendy at the time). I remember even back then it just didn’t really sit right with me and I think I finally figured out why, thanks to your post. This year in reading the New Testament one of the parables I have grown to love is the “parable of the penny” where all of the workers work different amounts of time yet they all receive the same reward… one penny. On my first read through, it felt super unfair to me. But the more I thought about it, the more I absolutely loved it. Christ died to make sure that there are plenty of “pennies” (or “donuts”) for anyone who wants one! None of us are good enough to truly earn one, and all of us are dependent on his grace to get that reward. Celestial life isn’t a competition for the few in the top percentile… its there for everyone who is willing to accept Christ and give the best they have, knowing for sure its not going to be good enough without Christ’s atonement. Theres enough room for us all, lets bring all our friends!
What’s wrong with people? Yes, it did feel way too much like a competition, and I just feel like Christ would have way more compassion on the sinner than our leaders had on us before sending us to Outer Darkness. The pennies parable is definitely one that makes you think.