I started attending a SA ward in October. Over the last few months, I’ve heard a lot about getting outside of my comfort zone. I’m never going to meet people if I just stay at home, refusing to socialize. I have to get involved, do things that make me feel a little uncomfortable. I’ll admit that there have been days and even weeks when I’ve done a better job of this than other days or weeks. Recently, an activity was planned in our ward where rather than just feeling uncomfortable or like I’m going outside my comfort zone, participation in this activity makes me feel a little unsafe. Yet, there’s still the pressure to attend this activity.
One thing that people need to understand is that there is a difference between feeling uncomfortable in a situation and putting yourself in a position where you feel unsafe. While I agree that people should be encouraged to do things that make them a little uncomfortable, no one should be pressured to do something that makes them feel legitimately unsafe.
*There could be exceptions to doing things that make the person feel unsafe. This is especially true when someone has faced trauma and now has an extreme fear of doing everyday tasks. Of course, this should be handled delicately and likely with the help of a licensed professional. These types of situations will not be discussed in detail in this post.
The Activity
I won’t go into all the details, but I will say that the activity involves men bidding on dates with women based on the food that woman cooked for the date. I’m not even sure that I can fully describe how I feel, but I’m going to try. In its most basic form, it makes me feel unsafe in an environment where I feel like women are being auctioned off, as though they are commodities.
I know some people don’t feel this way about the activity. That’s fine. Great for them. Yet, I know that some women have similar feelings, but they feel pressured into participating. They’ve been told that they’ll never find husbands if they don’t take every chance they can get for a date. YSA and SA wards are sometimes known as meat markets. In my opinion, this is a meat market for sure.
As full disclosure, there is a mini version of a male members’ meat market. They are auctioning off about four desserts made by some men.
*Please note: These are my own feelings. Some people may completely disagree with me or feel like I’m blowing things out of proportion.
What Does It Mean to Go Outside Your Comfort Zone?
I would say that going outside your comfort zone or doing something that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable means doing something that stretches you. It means doing something that will benefit you even when it’s difficult. Generally, I feel like this is something that’s for your own good.
This may include participating in a new hobby, especially one that you feel like you might not do well. It may include initiating a conversation with someone that you don’t know well. It may involve facing a fear. This might be something such as public speaking when you’re scared of talking in front of people. It might be climbing a mountain when you have a fear of heights. Ideally, placing yourself in situations where you are uncomfortable or where you have to go outside your comfort zone is often going to be for your benefit.
What Does It Mean to Feel Unsafe?
Unfortunately, people sometimes confuse getting outside of their comfort zone with doing something that makes them feel unsafe. One of the biggest things that comes to mind when I think of feeling unsafe is to feel spiritually unsafe. We often describe this as feeling “uncomfortable.” I would argue that when you’re watching a movie or reading book, and there’s suddenly excessive violence, swearing, or sexual content, and you get that uneasy feeling, what you are really feeling is spiritually unsafe, not necessarily just “uncomfortable.” You realize that if you continue down the path of reading that book or watching that movie, the Spirit will leave.
Of course, there are also times when we may feel physically, mentally, or otherwise unsafe. I’m not talking about going skydiving or doing some other similarly dangerous activity. I’m talking about situations where someone may physically, emotionally, or otherwise seriously harm you.
Let’s Compare Some Examples
Just a warning here, I am going to use some examples that might feel a bit excessive or extreme in hopes of presenting a point here.
The Ride Home
You just got off work. You only work a few blocks from home. Generally, you walk home from work, but today you call a friend to pick you up instead. In the “uncomfortable” situation, maybe you’ve had a rough day at work. You’re tired. You just really don’t want to walk even that short distance. In the “unsafe” situation, it’s dark outside. The most direct route home includes walking through a park where there have been six murders in the last month. The police have advised people to not walk in that park alone at night at least until the culprit is found.
The Date
You’ve got a first date with a guy (or girl) you’ve been crushing on for a few months now. Just a few hours before the date, you find out some information about this person that makes you at least consider canceling the date. In the “uncomfortable” situation, you found out that the other person has a “nerdy” hobby, one of those that in the past you have made fun of at times. Knowing this makes you question whether you’d really be a good match with this person. In the “unsafe” situation, you just found out that your date served 10 years in prison. You’re not sure of all the details, but it appears it involved a domestic abuse situation.
The Movie
You’ve been enjoying a movie at a friend’s house. During a specific scene, you find yourself squirming a bit. In the “uncomfortable” situation, the main character is really good at doing their ministering every month. It reminds you that you haven’t contacted the people under your care in almost three months. In the “unsafe” situation, this scene involves pornographic images.
The Writing Assignment
You have a potential writing assignment. You’ll get paid well for this assignment, but you’re reluctant to accept it. In the “uncomfortable” situation, this assignment requires you to be vulnerable, to share something about yourself with the public that you really don’t want to share. Honestly, minus the great pay, that’s been a lot of what I’ve written on this blog.
In the “unsafe” situation, your assignment is to write someone’s graduate thesis. It’s on a topic that you know enough about that you could write most of the paper with little to no research. You know great sources to cite. You would actually really enjoy writing this paper. In the back of your mind, though, you know that it would be morally wrong to cheat and write this person’s paper. The Holy Ghost is making you feel increasingly spiritually unsafe with the route your life could take if you justify writing this paper. Yet, the pay would be great.
How Can I Tell the Difference Between Uncomfortable and Unsafe?
I feel like the best way to tell the difference is to listen to the Spirit. Often, in situations where we simply feel uncomfortable, we’re thinking that we want to leave or avoid the situation. Yet, the Spirit is pushing us to do this thing that we really don’t want to do.
In situations where we feel unsafe, more often than not, the Spirit is instead telling us to avoid that situation. We may feel prompted to not go somewhere or do something. We might feel like we should leave before the situation gets out of hand.
It is important to understand the difference between these two things. Whereas participating in activities that require us to be a little uncomfortable at times will help us grow as people, not listening to the Spirit and participating in activities that go against your morals or that make you feel unsafe could be harmful to your spiritual progression.
