It’s time for another writing contest loser. The story, entitled Living My Dream Life, is pretty much about how we sometimes look at other people’s lives and think that they have it great. Yet, often other people’s lives aren’t as great as we assume based on their “social media” life. This is longer than most of my writing contest losers. It had to be under 5,000 words, and I got pretty close to the limit. All subheadings have been added in to break up the text a bit.
Living My Dream Life
As I walked in the front door, my mind went straight to dinner. As usual, I hadn’t thought things through before leaving for the day. A quick search of my kitchen turned up almost nothing worth eating. Unfortunately, my bank account balance made ordering anything or a trip to the store impractical solutions.
“Mac and cheese, it is,” I said aloud.
While the water was heating up, I absentmindedly grabbed my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through my Facebook feed. Sarah was smiling in a picture highlighting her baby bump, announcing her third pregnancy. Derrick bragged about his promotion to partner in his law firm. Jessie proudly announced her oldest daughter’s acceptance into several Ivy League schools. Several friends had gorgeous photos of their awesome vacations. I could feel the jealousy building up. I barely resisted the urge to throw my phone across the room in frustration.
The water started to boil. I dumped the noodles in, set a timer, and started stirring the food. The quiet ping from my phone drew my attention away from the task at hand. Against my better judgment, I grabbed my phone again. Someone had sent me a Facebook message. Staring at my phone screen, I hesitated to open the message. My right pointer finger betrayed me, and there it was, the message I’d been both expecting and dreading: Mountain Valley High School 20th Class Reunion.
The headline alone was enough to throw me into a bout of self-doubt and sadness. The last twenty years had gone by quickly, far too quickly if I was honest with myself. Twenty years ago, I’d assumed that high school reunions would be a great time to brag about myself. I never imagined I’d get an invite and dread the idea of going. I’d been voted both “Most Likely to Succeed” and “Most Talented” by my classmates at my small Northern California high school. I had been the star of nearly every play my school put on, a three-sport athlete, and valedictorian. I’d had huge dreams for my future. I hated to admit it, but I was beginning to think that I’d peaked in high school.
A quick glance through the invitation information indicated that the event was about two months away. That was good. I had two months to come up with an excuse for not attending. Another ping from my phone indicated I’d gotten a text. I glanced down, seeing that it was from my high school best friend, Erica.
You going?
I contemplated the right response. I knew if I made it clear that I wasn’t going, she’d try to talk me into coming. Yet, I also didn’t want to give her too non-committal of a response, giving her hope that she’d see me.
I hadn’t planned on it.
You missed our five-year reunion.
Internship in Florida. Remember?
And the ten-year?
Working on a movie.
You were in it for like three seconds. I think they could have spared you.
It was more than three seconds.
Please. I need you there. Luke wants to go. He’ll be hanging out with his friends. Believe me. It was not fun the previous times. They act like ridiculous high school students all over again whenever they get together. You owe me this. I need you there.
She was starting to wear on me, as I knew she would. Guilting me was probably her best bet for wearing me down. Luke and Erica hadn’t exactly hung out with the same crowd in high school, so I’m sure that it was uncomfortable for her to feel like she was just tagging along with him and his friends.
I’ll think about it.
Stephanie, you’re the best. Thank you. Thank you so much.
I had to take a look back at my text, making sure that I hadn’t unintentionally agreed to come. Unfortunately, I knew that with two months to wear me down, I’d likely be attending my high school reunion. Living on the opposite side of the state put me just far enough away that I didn’t run into people from my hometown pretty much ever, and it was easy to make excuses for not coming back for visits very often. Yet, it was just close enough that I knew that I couldn’t continue to avoid a visit forever.
Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. The kitchen timer pulled my thoughts towards dinner. I dumped the excess water off the noodles and mixed the powdery cheese, milk, and margarine in. Then I grabbed a fork, ready to enjoy the closest thing to gourmet food that I’d had in a while.
A Visit Home
Two months later, I pulled into my parents’ driveway. I was a little surprised that my car had made the 9-hour trip without any issues. The only reason my car was generally used for more than about an hour at a time was when I was stuck in traffic. Even then, the car sometimes acted like it was going to die before I got home.
“Welcome home,” my mom said, running out of the house to hug me. “It’s been a while.”
She was definitely right about that. At first, I’d stayed away because I was so busy working on my Theater degree at UCLA. At least that was my excuse. Then when my dreams of being a famous actress hadn’t panned out, I’d been too embarrassed to come back. In a small town, it was inevitable that I’d run into someone who knew why I’d left town. It had been almost seven years since my last visit. Even then, I’d only been in town for three days, and I’d avoided people outside of my family and Erica as much as possible.
“It has been a while,” I admitted.
“Too long,” my mom said.
I suddenly, unexpectedly started crying. It might have been alright if it was a few small tears that I could claim were just my eyes watering from the sun. Nope, I was full-out bawling within a few seconds.
“Are you okay? What’s the matter?” my mom asked, her concern evident on her face.
I was unsure how to answer her question. I’d thought that I was fine in LA, but seeing my mom and just driving down the streets of my hometown reminded me how much I loved this place, how much I missed it. Communicating through social media, texts, and phone calls had allowed me to forget my attachment to the people of this community and the community itself.
“I’m fine,” I insisted, knowing that my mom would know that I was lying.
“Alright, but when you’re ready to talk about it, let me know,” my mom said.
I grabbed my bag and headed toward the house. It appeared that coming home was creating some unexpected strong emotions. Was coming home the best decision I’d ever made or the worst? I wasn’t sure.
At the Reunion
“You ready?” Erica asked me the next afternoon as we got in the car.
“Yes?” I responded, not sure if I was ready to face my former classmates for the first time in two decades.
“It will be fine. Maybe, we can even have some fun,” Erica said.
“It will be awesome!” Luke responded. “Go Lumberjacks!”
Luke was all decked out in clothing advertising our high school while Erica was dressed more like she was headed to a job interview. Not for the first time, I wondered how the two of them had even ended up together. When she told me about two years after high school graduation that they were dating, I was surprised. When she’d told me they were engaged less than a year later, it came as a bit of a shock. I’d been a bridesmaid at their wedding about six months later, and while they seemed happy together, I often wondered if they would have even started dating if they hadn’t both been the only people from our high school going to Chico State.
For the first time since moving to Southern California, I began to wonder if I’d made a mistake staying away for so long. I didn’t regret going to college, and I’d really enjoyed the first three or four years of trying to build my acting career. Yet, it had been nearly a decade since I’d really felt like it was worth my time. Maybe, I should have let go of my pride earlier and come home.
“And here we are. Go Lumberjacks!” Luke again shouted, pulling into the high school parking lot.
Luke jumped out of the car and ran over to his high school football buddies, high-fiving some of them and chest-bumping the others. As Erica rolled her eyes and plastered on a fake smile, it hit me that she probably didn’t want to be here anymore than I did. She was here for him, and I was here for her.
“You ready?” I asked, opening the back seat door and getting out.
“Yeah, sure,” she responded, getting out of her own door.
The two of us start walking toward the gym. It felt a bit surreal. The parking lot and the school looked much the same as they had twenty years ago. The cracks in the sidewalk were the same. The building still looked like it could use a new paint job. Even the door to the gym looked the same. Yet, many of the people walking toward the building looked much older.
“Wait, is that Mitchell?” I whispered to Erica as we entered the gym.
She nodded, giving me a knowing look. Mitchell, whose thick curly blonde hair had been voted “Best Hair” our senior year, now sported a thin ring of greying hair. The bald spot on the top of his head sparkled like it had been freshly polished.
“What happened?” I asked.
“He got older. It’s been thinning for a while now,” Erica explained.
“Stephanie? Stephanie Masterson? Is that you?” I heard someone calling.
As I turned around, I saw Sarah jogging toward me. I glanced down to see how much her baby bump had grown since her Facebook announcement two months ago. Just as she engulfed me in a hug, it registered in my mind that there wasn’t a bump.
“It’s so good to see you. I was beginning to think that we’d never see you at one of these things,” Sarah joked. “Imagine our world-famous Stephanie Masterson coming back here. You did such a great job in those SVU episodes.”
I wasn’t sure if she was being sincere or teasing me, so I wasn’t sure how to respond. Having known Sarah since we were babies, I knew that she could be a bit sarcastic at times. Plus, as my greatest acting competition in high school, we’d been a bit of frenemies growing up. Was she trying to be nice or a jerk? I really wasn’t sure.
“Seriously,” Sarah continued. “I watched all three episodes with my little girls, and I kept telling them that I knew you. I’m not sure that they believed me. We’ll have to get a picture together for proof before you leave. Actually, maybe you could even meet them. They’d be really excited to meet a real Hollywood star. How long are you going to stick around?”
“Yeah, I’d love to meet them. I’m not really sure how long I’ll be here,” I said. “Probably at least a week.”
“Awesome. It was great to see you. I’ll send you a Facebook message, and we can make plans to meet up. I’ll see you later,” Sarah said, turning around and walking away.
“I thought you were leaving tomorrow,” Erica whispered once Sarah had left.
“I hadn’t really decided. Uh, I guess I’m sticking around a little bit longer. I don’t have any auditions or jobs this coming week anyway,” I explained.
“Oh, okay. Not thinking about sticking around long-term, are you?” Erica teased.
“Well, maybe,” I responded without thinking about it.
“Seriously?” Erica said, hugging me.
“So what happened with Sarah?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
“You mean the baby?” Erica whispered.
I nodded. Erica leaned in like she was going to share a huge secret with me.
“She lost the baby the same weekend her husband left her for a younger… man,” Erica whispered. “I mean she could be a bit of a jerk growing up, but she’s grown up a lot since then. She’s actually really nice now. Even if she wasn’t, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It was a huge scandal, and people gossiped about it like crazy all over town for like a month. It happened like a week after she announced the pregnancy on Facebook. I think her husband’s moved to Vegas or something like that.”
“Stephanie? Is that really you?” I heard my name being called again before I could respond to what Erica had told me.
I turned around and was surprised to see Derrick. I had to smile. I’d figured he’d skip out on the event. I’d missed that guy more than anyone else in my graduating class other than maybe Erica. As the only two kids from our high school taking AP classes, we’d spent a lot of time together in the school library, helping each other figure things out since we had to take the classes online. Because of this, we’d been good friends our last two years of high school, but I’d only kept up with him through Facebook for the last dozen or so years.
“Derrick, how are you doing?” I asked.
“Great. Yeah, great. How about you?” he asked.
“Great too,” I responded, not wanting to admit that things weren’t going as well as I’d like.
“Awesome,” Derrick responded, and I sensed an awkwardness that I’d never felt when I was around him.
“I heard you got promoted to partner in your law firm,” I said, hoping to move the conversation along.
Derrick blushed, looking embarrassed. I guess that wasn’t the right topic to move the conversation along in a positive way.
“I may have exaggerated the extent of that on Facebook for my law school buddies. I mean I am technically a partner, but it’s my uncle’s law firm. You know him. I mean it’s just right here in Mountain Valley. It’s mostly in name. He’s for sure in charge. I’ll take over the firm when he retires. It’s not really much,” Derrick admitted.
“Still, your uncle trusts you enough to make you a partner. That’s got to mean something,” I said.
“Sure. How about you? I saw your SVU episodes. That was pretty cool,” Derrick said, clearly trying to steer the conversation away from him.
I felt myself blush. The fact that my SVU episodes were the only thing I really had to show for over the last sixteen years of my career said more about what I hadn’t accomplished than what I had accomplished.
“Yeah, those were fun,” I admitted.
“But not that much fun,” Derrick said, correctly reading into my hesitation to say more.
“It’s not really that,” I tried to figure out the best way to explain it.
“Not eager to talk about it right now,” Derrick said, again correctly sensing my mood.
“It was fun. It was just…” I again struggled to find the right words.
“Not as much fun as it looks on television,” Derrick finished for me.
“We’ll go with that,” I agreed.
“So how long are you planning on sticking around?” Derrick asked.
“She might be here indefinitely,” Erica responded.
“Really?” Derrick asked, the surprise evident.
“Maybe. I haven’t quite decided where I want to go with things from here,” I admitted, feeling embarrassed that I didn’t have my life more together yet.
“In that case, you should help me coach the girls’ soccer team this fall. It’s my first season as head coach, and I could really use an assistant coach that I can trust,” Derrick said.
“That would be awesome! I haven’t had a chance to play soccer in years, though. I’ll have to get in shape again,” I said, excited about the idea.
“You and me both. Hey, give me your number. We can do some running and conditioning together. Even if you leave, it would be great to catch up while you’re still in town,” Derrick said.
I quickly rattled off my phone number. As Derrick turned away to leave, I felt excited. Staying around was beginning to feel more and more like a good idea.
“Derrick is still single. I think he might have been waiting around for you to come back,” Erica teased me, nudging me with her elbow.
I felt myself blush again. I’d had a small crush on Derrick in high school. I had never pursued it, mostly because our friendship meant too much to me to risk things getting awkward between us. I’d thought those feelings were gone and that I’d moved on, but seeing him again confirmed to me that I still felt something beyond friendship for Derrick King.
“Derrick stuck around Mountain Valley? How come I didn’t know that?” I asked Erica.
“He left long enough to make it through law school, but then he came back. Would you have come back to visit more often if you’d realized he was still here?” Erica asked.
A part of me wanted to deny it, but deep down, I knew that his presence in my hometown definitely would have made a visit more appealing. I’d always assumed that he’d finished law school and go off to work in some big city with a prestigious law firm. I internally chided myself for not being a better Facebook stalker when it came to Derrick.
“I might have. Hey, where’s Jessie? I want to congratulate her on her daughter getting accepted to so many Ivy League schools, and I want to ask her where her daughter’s going,” I said, eager to steer the conversation away from Derrick and me.
“Jessie’s daughter isn’t going to an Ivy League school. You must have read her stupid Facebook post a while back. Lies. Lies. Lies. Last I knew, the girl wasn’t even expected to graduate. At least that’s what I heard from Luke’s younger sister. She works in the office at the high school” Erica said.
“So did pretty much everyone except me stick around here?” I joked, realizing that everyone who Erica talked about seemed to still live here.
“Basically. I mean a few people moved to neighboring towns, and some, like Derrick, left for a time, but you’re really the only one who’s left for more than a few years,” Erica told me.
I sensed a bit of jealousy in Erica’s words. It surprised me.
“What about you, Erica? How are you doing?” I asked, knowing that I should have been the sympathetic friend long before this.
“I’m fine,” she answered, a little too quickly and so automatically that I knew that she’d responded the same way hundreds of times before.
“Really?” I asked, realizing I’d been so selfishly focused on myself that I hadn’t even considered the struggles that my friends might be facing.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Erica insisted, with a bit more force this time.
“You’re fine, but you’re not great,” I guessed. “What’s wrong?”
For a few seconds, Erica didn’t respond. I thought maybe she’d deny that anything was wrong, and I wasn’t sure how many times I dared push her to figure out the truth.
“I’m fine, but sometimes I just wish that things were a bit different,” she began.
“As in…” I tried to encourage her to elaborate.
“Can we take this somewhere a little more private?” Erica asked, pointing toward the gym doors.
I followed Erica out the gym doors and down the hallway. She tried one classroom door, and it was locked. She tried another one, and it was also locked. I grabbed the handle to the janitor’s closet, and it opened easily. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in. Erica followed behind me. I quickly flipped on the light switch while she closed the door.
“I don’t regret marrying Luke. I love him, and I love our kids,” Erica started out. “It’s just that I wish that it had happened a little later. I mean I was barely 21 when we got married. We still had a year left of school. Then we moved back here as soon as we graduated. I don’t want to sound jealous, but I wish that I’d had what you’ve had. I never got to be me, just me, really. I feel like I was my parents’ daughter. Then I was Luke’s wife. Now, I’m my kids’ mother. I never got to just be Erica and do things because I wanted to do them like you got to do.”
I was surprised by Erica’s words. While she envied my life, I kind of thought she had things pretty good. She was living the American Dream. Sure, she was living it in a small town in the middle of practically nowhere, but she had the beautiful house, the husband, and the four kids, exactly what many people dreamed of having. Her words made me realize just how much we hadn’t communicated well over the last few years. I doubted she’d be jealous of me and my life if she’d known the whole truth.
“Erica, my life’s not all sunshine and rainbows either,” I admitted.
“Yeah, it’s more like sunshine and parties with celebrities,” she joked. “Stephanie, I get it. We’re this Podunk little town that will never measure up to LA. I get why you were embarrassed to come back here.”
“Yeah, I was embarrassed because I feel like I failed. I set out to be this great actress, and now twenty years later, I have very little to show for it,” I admitted.
“That’s not how people see it. They see you as a bit of a celebrity. I mean they feel like even knowing you ups their own celebrity status. It’s three degrees of separation. They know you. You know someone in Hollywood, and that person knows someone even more famous,” Erica told me.
“I’m not a celebrity. I really didn’t accomplish much. I don’t even know the big stars. When I’m in movies or shows with them, I generally don’t even get a chance to say more than three words to the big stars, and even then, it’s usually the three words that are part of my script,” I argued.
“You left, and you pursued your dreams. Sure, you didn’t get big parts, but you got parts, and you didn’t give up. That’s more than most of us can say,” Erica told me.
“See this closet?” I asked, ready to make a point.
“Yeah,” Erica said, looking around confused.
“That’s how big my apartment is in LA,” I admitted. “That’s pretty much why I never invited people down. If someone came to visit, one of us would have to sleep in the bathtub.”
“Really?” Erica said, laughing a little at the image.
“No, actually the bathtub’s a little small, so I don’t think we’d even be able to do that. Maybe the kitchen table instead. Actually, probably under the kitchen table, curled up in a ball like a little dog. We don’t want anyone falling off the table,” I half-joked.
“So you’re not embarrassed of our Podunk town?” Erica asked.
“No, I actually really miss Mountain Valley. I wasn’t willing to admit it because I felt like I had something to prove. I was serious when I said I was thinking about sticking around. LA isn’t home, but I was too stubborn to admit that my time there is done,” I admitted.
“At least you got your SVU role,” Erica teased.
“Yep, and I’ll be known for that for the rest of my life,” I grumbled. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was fun, but it was five years ago, and the fact that it’s my only memorable role should really indicate to me that it’s time to move on.”
“Erica, Erica.”
“That would be my husband. We’d better head out,” Erica said, opening the closet door.
“What were you doing in there?” Luke asked, giving her a strange look.
“I’ll explain to you later. Let’s enjoy this party,” Erica said, shouting the last part as enthusiastically as her husband or any of his friends could have.
Erica grabbed her husband’s hand, and then she turned to me and said, “If you’re serious about staying, you should really talk to Sarah. She’s running the local children’s theater. I’m sure they’d love help from a non-celebrity like you.”
Now Living My Dream Life
Six months later, Derrick and I rushed the soccer pitch, celebrating with our girls after they won the state championship. A goal by one of our midfielders in the last minute of the second overtime period had barely prevented the game from having to be determined by penalty kicks. I remembered my own senior year state championship game, which had also ended in a 2-1 overtime victory. I’d scored that overtime goal.
“You know the last time we won a state championship in soccer?” Derrick joked with me as we jumped up and down, celebrating just as enthusiastically as the girls we’d coached.
“Let me guess. Twenty-one years ago. This girl named Stephanie Masterson scored the winning goal,” I joked.
“Did she? Hmm, do I know her?” Derrick asked.
I playfully punched Derrick. We’d been out to dinner a few times and to the movies once. We weren’t really dating. While we’d had an awkward conversation over the summer about how we felt about each other, we’d agreed that we wouldn’t pursue things at least until the soccer season was over. We didn’t want things to be weird for us or the girls. I was, of course, excited about our girls’ state championship, but I was even more excited that this signaled the end of having to wait to see how things developed between Derrick and me.
This summer, I’d started working with Sarah at the children’s theater. It wasn’t a luxurious job, but it was fun. According to her, the overall turnout had been a lot higher for tryouts for the plays than it had been in previous years. We’d had to open an extra session of children’s acting camps over the summer, and over winter break, we even had some students coming from other states for our winter acting camp. Sarah claimed my celebrity status brought in more people, but I tended to think that we just made a great team. We’d spent so much of our childhood competing against each other, but I realized now that if we’d worked together, we probably would have accomplished a lot more. I wouldn’t have thought this a year ago, but I realized that I was living my dream life.
