Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about church callings. Maybe, part of that is that for the first time in quite a while, I find myself long-term without a ward calling. Yes, I’m a temple worker, but I don’t have an official ward calling.
I think we’ve all had times when someone was given a calling, and we wonder why that person was called. We may feel like someone else could do a better job or like that person is needed somewhere else. It might even be that we feel inadequate for the calling that we’ve been given recently.
When we are willing to learn, we may come to understand at least part of the “why.” While all of these examples refer to people in leadership positions, people are given every calling for a reason. This includes everything from the smallest calling in the ward to the president of the church.
The Bishop Transition
A little over a decade ago, I moved to a new ward. I didn’t know anyone in the ward or even in the stake. I only knew two people even living in the state. Yet, my new bishop quickly made me feel welcome. Looking back, I realize that this probably wasn’t easy for him. While he is a nice person, he’s not the most outgoing person, so being the bishop was probably way outside his comfort zone.
A little over a year later, a new bishop was called. Fairly early on, he asked me if I was going to the regional YSA activities. When I admitted that I wasn’t going all that often, he gave me a bit of a lecture, telling me how I needed to go.
A few days later, I was complaining to a friend in the ward about how I felt singled out. She said that she liked the new bishop better than the previous one. I was surprised. I’d kind of expected her to agree with me. In her case, though, she’d had to repent for some morality issues, and she felt like the previous bishop had been a bit strict about the repentance process.
What I Learned
I don’t want it to sound like I held a grudge against that bishop. I’ll admit that I was a bit hurt by his comment, but honestly after discussing the situation with my friend, two things hit me.
Connection With Leaders
First, there are going to be leaders that we connect with better than others. For me, the first bishop’s friendly but quiet approach worked well. I felt cared about by him. The more outspoken approach with the new bishop didn’t resonate as well with me. Fortunately, after that first encounter, every other conversation with him went well. I respected him as the bishop, and I realized that he was trying to say what he felt was best. I came to appreciate him as our bishop.
It is very important to realize that when someone is called to a leadership position, their calling at that time may have little to do with us. That’s not to say that we can’t learn from that person. That’s only to say that at times, they are called to help a specific person or people. We might not be one of those people that only that one person can help.
Not a Mind Reader
Second, even though bishops are given the power of inspiration and revelation, being given that calling does not make them mind readers. The second bishop made that comment based on the information he was given. While I felt judged, that wasn’t his intention.
Instead of initially feeling offended by his comment, I should have explained at the time why I wasn’t often going to the regional YSA activities. While I was in a family ward, there were a handful of YSA in the ward. When our stake sponsored activities, I would go. It was about a half-hour drive to activities at our stake center. When another stake sponsored an activity, we generally had to travel 1-3 hours. The travel wouldn’t have been as big of an issue if it weren’t two problems.
We would know about the activities sponsored by our own stake ahead of time. Unfortunately, we often didn’t know about the activities sponsored by other stakes until the day of the activity or even after it had happened. That made it difficult or impossible to go. Fortunately, soon after this conversation, the region established better communication techniques, so people knew about the activities ahead of time.
Another problem, though, was that while many of the YSA in my ward were eager to go to these activities, some of them felt that they shouldn’t have to help pay for gas. Their attitude was that if I was driving there anyway, I’d have to pay for gas whether they came or not. This put the financial travel burden on me, and I didn’t want to take it on.
Only later did it hit me how important it was to communicate with our leaders. They can’t read our minds, and only through having the whole story can they properly help us.
A Short-term Calling Felt Like a Failure
Soon after I completed grad school, I moved from Michigan back to Idaho Falls. I was back in the same YSA branch that I had been in before leaving for school. While the branch president was the same, I didn’t know most of the other people in the branch. Yet, less than a month later, I was called as the Relief Society president. That was hard. I struggled a lot, both with knowing how to do the calling and with feeling like I was the right person for it.
About two and a half months after I got the calling, I learned that our YSA branch was merging with a YSA ward in the area. Everyone in our branch was being released from their callings. I felt like a bit of a failure. While logically I knew that the change really wasn’t about me, a part of me felt that I’d failed, and that’s why the change was happening.
There were about two weeks between the time that I learned about our branch merging with a ward and the actual merge happening. During that time, there was a stake Relief Society training meeting, which our branch president encouraged our presidency to attend. In many ways, I feel like that meeting was the very reason that I got the calling.
Who I Met
Despite feeling a bit like attending the meeting was pointless, I decided to go. No one else in the presidency went. A lady from another ward (a family ward) ended up sitting next to me at the meeting. The decision to go to that meeting and that woman’s decision to sit next to me have literally changed my life.
Why I Feel That I Was Called
The biggest reason that I feel like I was called to be a Relief Society president at that time was to make friends with this lady. She is my mom’s age, as in they were born the same year, roughly three months apart. She has become a huge blessing in my life. She’s a great friend. She’s someone who supports me and cares about me. If I were to create a list of all the blessings that she’s brought into my life, it would take pages and pages. She’s one of the sweetest, kindest ladies that I’ve ever met. If for no other reason, I strongly believe that I was called as Relief Society president at that time so I could meet this amazing lady at that meeting. I’m not sure that our lives really would have crossed paths otherwise.
Along with that, being Relief Society president has given me a lot more respect for any woman who is given that calling. Because it was only a branch, there were probably less than 30 women under my care, and that felt overwhelming at times. I can’t imagine having 100 or more women under my care, as is the case in most wards.
While I hope that my time as Relief Society president meant something positive for someone else, I don’t feel like I made a difference in those two and a half or three months. I think I was called for myself, not for anyone else.
A New Relief Society President
Several years after I was called as Relief Society president, I ended up in another new ward. I don’t want to make it sound worse than it was, but I didn’t feel welcomed by the Relief Society presidency in that ward. I don’t they purposely made me feel unwelcomed, but they didn’t go out of their way to make me feel wanted or needed either.
About ten months after I joined the ward, a new Relief Society president was called. Within her first month as president, she had talked to me more than the rest of the previous presidency combined had talked to me for my first ten months in the ward. I felt welcomed and cared about by her. In many ways, I felt like she was the right woman at the right time.
Unfortunately, not everyone in the Relief Society shared my opinion. Many women in that ward really liked the previous Relief Society president. For a good portion of the women, there was a belief that the previous Relief Society president could do no wrong. I don’t think that I’m exaggerating when I say that it bordered on sacrilegious worship of the previous Relief Society president. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “That’s not how Suzie* did it.”
*Not her real name
Why I Feel She Was Called
Did the new Relief Society president have her faults? Yes, but I should point out that we all do. One of her biggest ones was difficulty accepting that other people’s points of view or ideas might be better than her own. During her time as president, I got the chance to work with her, and in the beginning, she had a bit of an attitude that her way was the only way or at least the best way.
Fortunately, I saw an amazingly inspiring change during this lady’s time as Relief Society president. In the beginning, she would present a plan or idea, and what she presented was what happened. Over time, rather than automatically assuming that her plan was the best plan, she began to seek the input of others, particularly those in her presidency. In my opinion, that change was miraculous and beautiful. If for no other reason, I think she was given that calling so she could make that change.
Of course, I should point out that I feel like I was one of the people that she was called to help. She was a bit stubborn about believing that her ideas were the best ideas. Yet, she also helped me to feel like I mattered as a member of the ward. Perhaps, I should say that she was called for her and for me.
Connecting Through Our Temple Calling
Late last year, I was asked to be a sealing coordinator at the temple. This means that for roughly half my shift, I’m one of the two people in charge of coordinating which sealing rooms we use and who goes in which room. Being a sealing coordinator isn’t a calling in the sense that I get set apart separate from my regular temple calling. The shift coordinator just asked me if I was willing to do it, and then I do this for several months.
In December, my shift coordinator asked me to pick someone to be my new sealing coordinator partner. She said that I should pick someone that I knew I could work with well. Even before she asked me to pick someone, though, the name of another temple worker had been going through my head. I was a little iffy about her, though. First, she was fairly new. I think she’d been a temple worker for about six months. Second, I didn’t know her that well. Third, she’s really young. I’m used to being the youngest on our shift other than pre-missionaries who come for a month or two at the most. Since joining our shift, though, she’s definitely the youngest.
The more I thought about it, though, the more I knew that I needed to work with her. I was a bit apprehensive when I mentioned this lady’s name to our coordinator. Mostly, I wondered if this lady had been a temple worker long enough to be considered as a sealing coordinator.
What Happened When We Worked Together
The first week we worked together, I felt like I really connected with this lady. We were able to talk about several things that we have in common. I found out that she’s a really nice, caring person. She caught on to the position very quickly. She was also really grateful for the opportunity. It didn’t take long to know that she was the right person for the calling.
One thing did surprise me. While I knew she was younger than me, I thought she was mid-20s. I soon found out that she was only 19! When she said that, it hit me that I was old enough to be her mom.
Why She Was Right for the Calling
I think this lady needed to know that she was important. As someone who’s not the traditional, retired temple worker age, it can sometimes feel a bit like you don’t fully fit in. I’m sure she felt this at times. Knowing that she is important enough to have a leadership position offered her confidence.
I mentioned earlier that she caught on quickly to being a sealing coordinator. This is really important. While I wouldn’t consider it a difficult position, it can be a bit stressful at times. It requires the ability to make independent decisions quickly. Because sealings at the Idaho Falls Temple start once an hour, a lot of times, everyone will show up at roughly the same time. Then everything has to quickly be coordinated within a short period. I needed someone to work with me who could handle this, and this lady can do that.
For me, one of the top reasons that I know that she is the right person for the calling is that she proved one of my concerns 100% wrong. I feel like I relate well to people who are significantly older than me. That’s why I enjoy working at the temple so much. Most of the people I’m working with are 20+ years older than me. I feel like I can relate to young children, as in elementary school age. I don’t feel like I can really relate to teenagers and young adults in their early 20s. Honestly, sometimes I’m not even sure that I can relate to most people around my own age.
Working with this lady, though, was comforting. It might sound weird, but it really did feel great to know that I can relate to people in that age bracket. Maybe, I’m not completely disconnected from people that age.
The Ultimate Takeaway
Ultimately, I think that it’s important that we all realize that callings within the church are given for a reason. It’s about growth and helping others. Sometimes that growth involves the person given the calling. Sometimes, it involves someone that only that person can reach. Often, it involves a mix of growth on the part of the person getting the calling and the specific skills that person can use to help others. Never assume that someone was just given a calling willy-nilly. Even if we don’t personally benefit from that person getting that specific calling, we can trust that Heavenly Father had a plan when He called them to that position.
In our quest to not question Heavenly Father’s plan concerning callings, it is important that we support that person. This is especially important when in our worldly lack of seeing the big picture, we may question if that person really is the right person for that calling.
